hello mellons.. hehe changed the blog's look again.. well im just going for the simple look.. rajin to write today but i have no idea what to write..
i guess ill just write on what im planning to do on december.. december is like a loooong holiday for me.. i might go labuan twice.. in early november and new year.. and guess what ill be going on the boat alone and meet up the people there saja pasal durang awal sudah kesana haha.. like okay lah im confident.. but at the same time takut ku mcm nada org ambil aku arah labuhan atu eh.. tapi inda apaalah.. i wish my bf can join me.. tapi entah leerr..
ill take lots of picts.. to update you monstertrucks (which will end up in facebook).. and i cant wait to relax my head off in december.. work KILLING me inside..
anyways ..
i miss my boyfriend.. he's been busy with college and i understand.. and hell.. why do i get ngtive lately.. im scared that yknow whatever he did dulu comes back.. crap maybe im phobic on this already.. im grateful that my boyfriend is showing that he loves me.. he's saying that everyday.. he wasnt like that dulu..
prolly im feeling down ani pasal i got hurt badly atu kali.. sometimes i wish i dont feel that pain..that ngtivity.. that fucked up feeling..
i honestly cry sometimes when im alone.. haha okay im writning without thinking the consequences now.. prolly cause i dont have anybody to talk with.. everybody is busy..
i use to be a strong person.. and my greatest fear now is my bf hurting me.. i got hurt by somebody dulu.. and decided that that person did not deserve me and i found my boyfriend and we fell for each other and open up whatever closed doors we had..and i trusted him and he hurt me when i was healing.. but he made it up to me sudah.. and yet im living in an on and off fear.. im scared that he would change..
i dont need proof of him loving me.. he has done that.. i just want yknow that secure feeling bah.. i cant explain it with words but yeah.. if i could take out my heart and show you waht i meant prolly you'd know what i mean.. god emo jua tu ah :') i dont want him to change into something i dont want..
sakit you know to feel scared .. i love my boyfriend soo much.. i hope he knows.. god baby i need that magic from you.. you're a good man.. and i dont want you to change..
