cuddles.

had a date with bubu last thursday. we went from tk bukit to the place,cz we din kw where to go since it was really late.just watchng tv and spending time together. aftr that i went breakfst at anggrek, so called balikpapan. i din sleep the whole nyt,i ws tired frm everything.then i went to jangsak.to rest at aunt noy. brutah me pengsan.at her sofa. i had some picts bt its stl in the cam,and i hvnt used my laptop ths fw days. i miss the boyfriend nw. im hapy that we are okay nw.

i mean it when i said i...you

Thres smthng wrong wt the blog punya date.like lambat sehari. hmph.. imiss him now. i just wish im with him.it always feels safe everytime he puts hs arm around me or when he holds my hand. im outof creds. idk but ever since that,i fl that he really misses me with hs msgs and mcs. somehow ths abis crdt thngy is like ukw coincidence thngy like gvng us space after that damn incident hpn. im fling better in all sorts of ways. im hating less,tho it hurts everytime i rmber it. im less paranoid hehe sort off.and im accepting his love,i mean i do terima bfore ths,bt i was too in pain that i cudnt believe anythng he said,i felt played.i went paranoid whether he meant it evrytime he said he loves and misses me. bt my love for him nvr change tho. im so into him despite what he did. dspite mistakes done. mainpoint,my trust is getting okay nw. alhamdulilah.mudahan nda dugaan barat lg. im tired. i just want to be loved by my boyfriend,and alhamdulilah he does..

you love me,and so do i.. i missed you,and so do you. we are fixing the damages together.. hmm i wana eat banana pancakes witchu babylove.

hmm

i rather not think bout anythng involvng betrayal etc. im just gna try heal,and move on, if he change alhamdulilah.if not then thats god dcision on anythng. im more to lookng for the ryt job and get money and vacays now.

liar,killer,demon!

i had a fight last week. cause he was double dipping me with other girls. theres ths bitch,D. shs bn calling and texting my bf. and whn my bf dnt reply ia asi2 txt lg saying ksian ia lah knpa inda kana reply. heh. buduh! and my bf.. what to say uh. melayan lah jua. hate it whn that hpns. so yeah,i cried and shyt. my bf said he regrets and wil nt hurt me nymre. ntah ah,i trust hym bt u kw boys.the wil do that again. im tired of fighting. i just want to get away frm everythng nw. i jst hope he learns hs mistake and hurt me no mre.cause if he does,then aku wil terabang eh. seriously im stl jauh ati. hee sabar saja and redha.god is fair.you cn lie to me bt god u cnt. i rely on god nw. btw i stl love you baby,bt u nid to change ur ways with other grls. and D,kau tah bini2 nda pmalu asi2 kn bf org. laki2 lain pun gali with ulah mu dsperate ah.

crazy over you

whoooweeey. my bubu came to my place this mornin. i din expect it. so yeah with a simple text saying he's coming over and me balum mandi at that time totally made me huru hara. so yeah i din even know what to wear!! so i had like a fast shower,multi tasking the washing (eg; shampoo while brushing the teeth) and grab any clothing i could see. well my mind was set on the black top (add-on points for clevage) and grey cardi ( a lil cover up) and jeans. so i don that. my hai was a mess (due to lack of time for blow drying) and i had nothing on the face at all!! nothiiing. bareee. so yeah he came.ckap2,liat tv or was he just liat the space. and we went out kajap. to eat. like roti john. but baby had a hard time eating cz ada onions and sayur. and we had a 5 min debate on how rugi/inda rugi of inda eating/eating veggies. it was all good. so he sent me home. he salam mum.. dad balum balik frm work and i went it was just me waving at him sayonara and a flying kiss.. my ever so spontaneous boyfriend gave a 'symbolize' fuck you hand sign. and i was left to just LOL. cali juat tu like whadaheeeyl?? thanks baby bubu.. you made my day.. too bad no picts ..

and btw i read this book on dating ( HAHA. yeah i knowww. i was just fucking curious) and its about howd you know if your ready for sex. and id just realise im not. so yeah. haha random shit jua tu. hmmm. so yeah. no sexual activities that involves penetration will be held anytime soon. :D double thumbs up no?

picture on raya. belabih my boyfriend.. i know im heavy. so suck it in my deaar boy!!

pumpkin soup

I had pumpkin soup for lunch.I guess its making me fl good. anyways,me and the bf is okay now. Alhamdulilah. No more arguing. I cnt stand being 'away' frm him.. i love him. my caring,lovable,cranky,sulking bf. with you,everythngs is always exciting and dramaa! hee. man im undr stress. with job hunting and everythng. as i said my edu dreams had to be kept on hold. tho i do am stl wanting to study and shit. and so yeah. money is everythng these days.i nd the doe to survive. phew. im writing a plea letter to the govt for a job. my standard malay sucks. and its making me stress out. alright.. i gotta take my rest. sniffles sniffles. i miss my bubu.

you.. you did it again.

I remember ths ten2five song. Hee.im a bit fuckd up nw. emotionally handicaped,plus im trying these new pills, mybody responses is shitty.bt im being optimistic,cz my ass is how to say,kalau diampas nyaman yo cz of the pils.heh mau lg bibun ani bah. main point i wantd to say is Its weird smtimes guys hurt you that easily. Despite everytng you did for them. I wonder if they even hv slight memory of the sacrifices us gfs did for em everytime they hurt us. =.) i tend to say sorry even if its him who nds to apologies.ths is due to me bein really guilty at our rltnshp.i just wantd the arguement to end and just be the loving,hot for ech othr couple we are. iam stupid or i am madly in love with him. i let him shout at me. ido fight bck,bt i hold bck my anger and end up bein quiet and just fucking cry if he calls me stupid or yells at me,and evn call me a kegatalan.harsh? thats just my bf. he says thngs bfore thnking the consequences of it. and yet,i stl love him and stand behind him. with the patience i myself dnt knw i had all ths time. hee or is it everytime i want to leave.. i always remind myself the goodness in him. i always remind myself of the reasons why i wantd to be with him at the first place. what am i trying to say here? idk. im just sad,hurt and fuckd up. i really want loyalty frm him..dspite the nvr ending chicks paranoia.. stl i am loyal to him and nt put a hardcore revenge at ia. am i stupid?love drunk? hee. maybe ths is what love is.. love is stupidity at its most extreme point.. where you take pain and stl smile as if nothing is fucking you in the head. i just wantd appriciation frm you. love me like you nvr love any1 else. i kw you love me.bt you nd to hurt me less.. thats all.

kapok kapok kenapa kau btapok??

as much as i want to upload more here i guess i'll just upload one picture :) the rest are in my facebook.. so hey base on this pict you know i had a good night of raya :D truth is lagging bah now. BANCI KU. urgggggggggh.