pumpkin soup

I had pumpkin soup for lunch.I guess its making me fl good. anyways,me and the bf is okay now. Alhamdulilah. No more arguing. I cnt stand being 'away' frm him.. i love him. my caring,lovable,cranky,sulking bf. with you,everythngs is always exciting and dramaa! hee. man im undr stress. with job hunting and everythng. as i said my edu dreams had to be kept on hold. tho i do am stl wanting to study and shit. and so yeah. money is everythng these days.i nd the doe to survive. phew. im writing a plea letter to the govt for a job. my standard malay sucks. and its making me stress out. alright.. i gotta take my rest. sniffles sniffles. i miss my bubu.

you.. you did it again.

I remember ths ten2five song. Hee.im a bit fuckd up nw. emotionally handicaped,plus im trying these new pills, mybody responses is shitty.bt im being optimistic,cz my ass is how to say,kalau diampas nyaman yo cz of the pils.heh mau lg bibun ani bah. main point i wantd to say is Its weird smtimes guys hurt you that easily. Despite everytng you did for them. I wonder if they even hv slight memory of the sacrifices us gfs did for em everytime they hurt us. =.) i tend to say sorry even if its him who nds to apologies.ths is due to me bein really guilty at our rltnshp.i just wantd the arguement to end and just be the loving,hot for ech othr couple we are. iam stupid or i am madly in love with him. i let him shout at me. ido fight bck,bt i hold bck my anger and end up bein quiet and just fucking cry if he calls me stupid or yells at me,and evn call me a kegatalan.harsh? thats just my bf. he says thngs bfore thnking the consequences of it. and yet,i stl love him and stand behind him. with the patience i myself dnt knw i had all ths time. hee or is it everytime i want to leave.. i always remind myself the goodness in him. i always remind myself of the reasons why i wantd to be with him at the first place. what am i trying to say here? idk. im just sad,hurt and fuckd up. i really want loyalty frm him..dspite the nvr ending chicks paranoia.. stl i am loyal to him and nt put a hardcore revenge at ia. am i stupid?love drunk? hee. maybe ths is what love is.. love is stupidity at its most extreme point.. where you take pain and stl smile as if nothing is fucking you in the head. i just wantd appriciation frm you. love me like you nvr love any1 else. i kw you love me.bt you nd to hurt me less.. thats all.

kapok kapok kenapa kau btapok??

as much as i want to upload more here i guess i'll just upload one picture :) the rest are in my facebook.. so hey base on this pict you know i had a good night of raya :D truth is lagging bah now. BANCI KU. urgggggggggh.

biila jua inda!

Hows raya for you guys? Mine is uh. Meriah. Exciting. Ada sedikit drama *looks at bf* i uh drama cz me and the bf kana marah by dad.cz kami balik aher like 3am. haha. bt we are okay nw. myparents were just worried f their daughter ws grippin on the bed with md fadzli. haha. bt seriously, no panties were taken off tht nyt. anyways,picts of me and the bf im gna upload it here soon. even in fb i havent msukkan. im dying to see picts frm pats cam! bt i guess by the looks of thngs,saya harus menunggu sebulan dua bulan for pat to upload. hee. ds raya.. its the 1st raya for me and fadzli as a couple. glad. alhamdulilah. i manage to braya at hs place. argh jaauh ny rumah bf ku! aint kiddin. bular mata ku mencri simpang ny.bt we dpt tho. hehe. funy and cute story behind it tho. f im gna ckp here..tired ku jua. pokokny i get to salam bf punya dad and said a few words and exchange smiles.and bf punya mum too.. nervous bt it was all good. amah bf ku senyum kambing sama aku.hahahaha. hmm. good night semua. im slpy and tired. hugs and kisses. and happy eid mubarak. and and and and.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIA! on the 29th.. hee bf ku punya close friend.. bh bh azie! baik tidur!

sweaty bums

raya is on monday. im tired preparing thngs for the house.ths year im really involve. i made biscuits solo-ly. as in seorang diri. i clean etc. im mature enuf to undrstand that being a lazy bum is fuckng lame. so yeah. due to me busy ths and that,i had lil time for my boyfriend. whch he paham. we even had a fone call when i ws bscuit making subuh2. god after raya im off to job hunting. my dreams for edu wil have to wait,i nd my own money and shit. havent heard frm bsp,that scares me. anyways i mis my man nw,he s out with hs boys. my tumy hurts. my heart beat is kabak2.i hope he dnt gatal2. my hip hurt again. im excitd for raya,bt tirednes has made me a very cranky bitch. btw i have a new haircut. i kinda like it. imis my boyfriend. i nd him now! now! now! hehee im a dmanding gf ths days.blame my bf.he spoils my baie-ness. i get what i want..well most of the time. haha kdg2 he oso dnt gve what i want. nyeh bt he nice tho. anyways toodles. have a nice raya everyone.

ups and downs of you and me

iam in a state of being a bit shhhh shhhh shhhitty. i dont like that msn behind my back. heh. any girl would fl lain rasa if their guy starts to do that. i cant tagur him cz its 'no big deal' to him. this is painful :.( sigh. i wish you would understand. i gtg now guys.. btw i someone tagged me on fb.. it was taken when we were in form 3. stl young and innocent :) i miss those years... and i miss the boys i hang with.. you guys rock. that goes to daus,ajy,juls,rahman and azmi.. ahmad msh malu2 here..but now kami kamching..kan mad maaaad?? haha. i miss you all guys kamu semua abang2 tagap now :)

one day more.

Excited. Thats how i am nw. I kw its idk haha. im a bit emo on every single romantic thing..So yeah, azie is excited for her and her baby's valentine day anniversary.cant wait. i wana kw what he is goin to say. and im hoping he greets me 1st,cz we hv bn joking on that for days on who greets dlu.bt seriously i want ia. i just hope he doesnt forget cz when he is tired he forgets and, if he does forgets,urggh,idnt want any arguements.. so monday is hari yg indah. i expect crazy love expressions! im tired. Ill just stop here with ths lil update. Esuk2 ku sambung on ths post on d's quality time with aku td ptg.fun jua lah.