goodbye 2009. and hello 2010.

i couldnt think of what to update with this blog so i guess just a few picts from this year. btw merry xmas guys and happy advance new year kasih sayang ku semua...

cuddles.

had a date with bubu last thursday. we went from tk bukit to the place,cz we din kw where to go since it was really late.just watchng tv and spending time together. aftr that i went breakfst at anggrek, so called balikpapan. i din sleep the whole nyt,i ws tired frm everything.then i went to jangsak.to rest at aunt noy. brutah me pengsan.at her sofa. i had some picts bt its stl in the cam,and i hvnt used my laptop ths fw days. i miss the boyfriend nw. im hapy that we are okay nw.

i mean it when i said i...you

Thres smthng wrong wt the blog punya date.like lambat sehari. hmph.. imiss him now. i just wish im with him.it always feels safe everytime he puts hs arm around me or when he holds my hand. im outof creds. idk but ever since that,i fl that he really misses me with hs msgs and mcs. somehow ths abis crdt thngy is like ukw coincidence thngy like gvng us space after that damn incident hpn. im fling better in all sorts of ways. im hating less,tho it hurts everytime i rmber it. im less paranoid hehe sort off.and im accepting his love,i mean i do terima bfore ths,bt i was too in pain that i cudnt believe anythng he said,i felt played.i went paranoid whether he meant it evrytime he said he loves and misses me. bt my love for him nvr change tho. im so into him despite what he did. dspite mistakes done. mainpoint,my trust is getting okay nw. alhamdulilah.mudahan nda dugaan barat lg. im tired. i just want to be loved by my boyfriend,and alhamdulilah he does..

you love me,and so do i.. i missed you,and so do you. we are fixing the damages together.. hmm i wana eat banana pancakes witchu babylove.

hmm

i rather not think bout anythng involvng betrayal etc. im just gna try heal,and move on, if he change alhamdulilah.if not then thats god dcision on anythng. im more to lookng for the ryt job and get money and vacays now.

liar,killer,demon!

i had a fight last week. cause he was double dipping me with other girls. theres ths bitch,D. shs bn calling and texting my bf. and whn my bf dnt reply ia asi2 txt lg saying ksian ia lah knpa inda kana reply. heh. buduh! and my bf.. what to say uh. melayan lah jua. hate it whn that hpns. so yeah,i cried and shyt. my bf said he regrets and wil nt hurt me nymre. ntah ah,i trust hym bt u kw boys.the wil do that again. im tired of fighting. i just want to get away frm everythng nw. i jst hope he learns hs mistake and hurt me no mre.cause if he does,then aku wil terabang eh. seriously im stl jauh ati. hee sabar saja and redha.god is fair.you cn lie to me bt god u cnt. i rely on god nw. btw i stl love you baby,bt u nid to change ur ways with other grls. and D,kau tah bini2 nda pmalu asi2 kn bf org. laki2 lain pun gali with ulah mu dsperate ah.

crazy over you

whoooweeey. my bubu came to my place this mornin. i din expect it. so yeah with a simple text saying he's coming over and me balum mandi at that time totally made me huru hara. so yeah i din even know what to wear!! so i had like a fast shower,multi tasking the washing (eg; shampoo while brushing the teeth) and grab any clothing i could see. well my mind was set on the black top (add-on points for clevage) and grey cardi ( a lil cover up) and jeans. so i don that. my hai was a mess (due to lack of time for blow drying) and i had nothing on the face at all!! nothiiing. bareee. so yeah he came.ckap2,liat tv or was he just liat the space. and we went out kajap. to eat. like roti john. but baby had a hard time eating cz ada onions and sayur. and we had a 5 min debate on how rugi/inda rugi of inda eating/eating veggies. it was all good. so he sent me home. he salam mum.. dad balum balik frm work and i went it was just me waving at him sayonara and a flying kiss.. my ever so spontaneous boyfriend gave a 'symbolize' fuck you hand sign. and i was left to just LOL. cali juat tu like whadaheeeyl?? thanks baby bubu.. you made my day.. too bad no picts ..

and btw i read this book on dating ( HAHA. yeah i knowww. i was just fucking curious) and its about howd you know if your ready for sex. and id just realise im not. so yeah. haha random shit jua tu. hmmm. so yeah. no sexual activities that involves penetration will be held anytime soon. :D double thumbs up no?

picture on raya. belabih my boyfriend.. i know im heavy. so suck it in my deaar boy!!

pumpkin soup

I had pumpkin soup for lunch.I guess its making me fl good. anyways,me and the bf is okay now. Alhamdulilah. No more arguing. I cnt stand being 'away' frm him.. i love him. my caring,lovable,cranky,sulking bf. with you,everythngs is always exciting and dramaa! hee. man im undr stress. with job hunting and everythng. as i said my edu dreams had to be kept on hold. tho i do am stl wanting to study and shit. and so yeah. money is everythng these days.i nd the doe to survive. phew. im writing a plea letter to the govt for a job. my standard malay sucks. and its making me stress out. alright.. i gotta take my rest. sniffles sniffles. i miss my bubu.

you.. you did it again.

I remember ths ten2five song. Hee.im a bit fuckd up nw. emotionally handicaped,plus im trying these new pills, mybody responses is shitty.bt im being optimistic,cz my ass is how to say,kalau diampas nyaman yo cz of the pils.heh mau lg bibun ani bah. main point i wantd to say is Its weird smtimes guys hurt you that easily. Despite everytng you did for them. I wonder if they even hv slight memory of the sacrifices us gfs did for em everytime they hurt us. =.) i tend to say sorry even if its him who nds to apologies.ths is due to me bein really guilty at our rltnshp.i just wantd the arguement to end and just be the loving,hot for ech othr couple we are. iam stupid or i am madly in love with him. i let him shout at me. ido fight bck,bt i hold bck my anger and end up bein quiet and just fucking cry if he calls me stupid or yells at me,and evn call me a kegatalan.harsh? thats just my bf. he says thngs bfore thnking the consequences of it. and yet,i stl love him and stand behind him. with the patience i myself dnt knw i had all ths time. hee or is it everytime i want to leave.. i always remind myself the goodness in him. i always remind myself of the reasons why i wantd to be with him at the first place. what am i trying to say here? idk. im just sad,hurt and fuckd up. i really want loyalty frm him..dspite the nvr ending chicks paranoia.. stl i am loyal to him and nt put a hardcore revenge at ia. am i stupid?love drunk? hee. maybe ths is what love is.. love is stupidity at its most extreme point.. where you take pain and stl smile as if nothing is fucking you in the head. i just wantd appriciation frm you. love me like you nvr love any1 else. i kw you love me.bt you nd to hurt me less.. thats all.

kapok kapok kenapa kau btapok??

as much as i want to upload more here i guess i'll just upload one picture :) the rest are in my facebook.. so hey base on this pict you know i had a good night of raya :D truth is lagging bah now. BANCI KU. urgggggggggh.

biila jua inda!

Hows raya for you guys? Mine is uh. Meriah. Exciting. Ada sedikit drama *looks at bf* i uh drama cz me and the bf kana marah by dad.cz kami balik aher like 3am. haha. bt we are okay nw. myparents were just worried f their daughter ws grippin on the bed with md fadzli. haha. bt seriously, no panties were taken off tht nyt. anyways,picts of me and the bf im gna upload it here soon. even in fb i havent msukkan. im dying to see picts frm pats cam! bt i guess by the looks of thngs,saya harus menunggu sebulan dua bulan for pat to upload. hee. ds raya.. its the 1st raya for me and fadzli as a couple. glad. alhamdulilah. i manage to braya at hs place. argh jaauh ny rumah bf ku! aint kiddin. bular mata ku mencri simpang ny.bt we dpt tho. hehe. funy and cute story behind it tho. f im gna ckp here..tired ku jua. pokokny i get to salam bf punya dad and said a few words and exchange smiles.and bf punya mum too.. nervous bt it was all good. amah bf ku senyum kambing sama aku.hahahaha. hmm. good night semua. im slpy and tired. hugs and kisses. and happy eid mubarak. and and and and.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIA! on the 29th.. hee bf ku punya close friend.. bh bh azie! baik tidur!

sweaty bums

raya is on monday. im tired preparing thngs for the house.ths year im really involve. i made biscuits solo-ly. as in seorang diri. i clean etc. im mature enuf to undrstand that being a lazy bum is fuckng lame. so yeah. due to me busy ths and that,i had lil time for my boyfriend. whch he paham. we even had a fone call when i ws bscuit making subuh2. god after raya im off to job hunting. my dreams for edu wil have to wait,i nd my own money and shit. havent heard frm bsp,that scares me. anyways i mis my man nw,he s out with hs boys. my tumy hurts. my heart beat is kabak2.i hope he dnt gatal2. my hip hurt again. im excitd for raya,bt tirednes has made me a very cranky bitch. btw i have a new haircut. i kinda like it. imis my boyfriend. i nd him now! now! now! hehee im a dmanding gf ths days.blame my bf.he spoils my baie-ness. i get what i want..well most of the time. haha kdg2 he oso dnt gve what i want. nyeh bt he nice tho. anyways toodles. have a nice raya everyone.

ups and downs of you and me

iam in a state of being a bit shhhh shhhh shhhitty. i dont like that msn behind my back. heh. any girl would fl lain rasa if their guy starts to do that. i cant tagur him cz its 'no big deal' to him. this is painful :.( sigh. i wish you would understand. i gtg now guys.. btw i someone tagged me on fb.. it was taken when we were in form 3. stl young and innocent :) i miss those years... and i miss the boys i hang with.. you guys rock. that goes to daus,ajy,juls,rahman and azmi.. ahmad msh malu2 here..but now kami kamching..kan mad maaaad?? haha. i miss you all guys kamu semua abang2 tagap now :)

one day more.

Excited. Thats how i am nw. I kw its idk haha. im a bit emo on every single romantic thing..So yeah, azie is excited for her and her baby's valentine day anniversary.cant wait. i wana kw what he is goin to say. and im hoping he greets me 1st,cz we hv bn joking on that for days on who greets dlu.bt seriously i want ia. i just hope he doesnt forget cz when he is tired he forgets and, if he does forgets,urggh,idnt want any arguements.. so monday is hari yg indah. i expect crazy love expressions! im tired. Ill just stop here with ths lil update. Esuk2 ku sambung on ths post on d's quality time with aku td ptg.fun jua lah.

the fucking aftermath

i dont rmember his name. but this kid right here is my anak buah.

baie bah ni.

this telaga..you know well.. my mom and her sibs use to take showers or mandi whatever here everytime they vacay at sabah. those were their teen years.. so there is this story the old people there told me.. that the water it neveeer tuhusss. whatever. i was crazzy over it since aku inda pernah meliat telaga like the real shit.

just got back frm that trip. was okay. splurged (on my not soo much banyak usin) on a few eyeliners ( since mine is like gone. hilang. no where to be found), bangles and a pink bag. my bear bear likes it :D so do i :P so the trip was tiring. any ways id just post a few picts. random much.

so after an hour going back here..since i stayed over night at my cousin's i thot why couldnt i meet up with my babyyyy.. i miss that KAB smuuuch. lupa tia ku sedikit aku tired. so yeah. asked (again) to come over. pick me up. and (again) a friend tagged along. this time it was kong.or should i say PARTIKONG.which i dont mind since it okay to have company.. fun company that is. hahaha. enough said on that.. it was all about the indon crocs.so yeah me and the boys and my baby. yeah. we were holding hands all the way. haha. kesian bah. kerinduan berpisah berapa HARI. haha. so yeah. went back at cousin's before 12.15 i think.. cause i was freaking tired. so had a good night hug from by and a good night smooch. haha i miss you baby. soo after ia send me like ia went home and he called me and we talked about stuff and ia sleepy. aku pun jua.. i miss you. haha.

much love everyone im off to sleep.

he said i love you more today. not i love you too. little things make big differences!! totally.

little kisses

Din get to go sungkai with bear bear td.. but buut we went tk. yeaay. we din plan it plang. i was staying at my cousin for ths trip tmr..so i arranged a meeting with bear bear to come over,around 10pm.. since ia was sungkai with hs friends at fratinis.. and they chill and stuff. so he came and greet me with a hug. i love hugs frm my tall bear bear. i din realise zar was in the car haha cause bear bear pakai the big car. yeah,so i ask where ia after ths..he said tk,with the others..and asked me to join. so i did. and we went,the three of us in the car,diam2 haha until we saw ths huge crab on a sign like apakan tu sign for nama kadai.by tagur it cz it ws mking movement kali. and zar made a joke bout it. and it was cali. and when we arrive tk,ally was there, and joke around.and and he gave by sudaah gambar hasil nya menggambar me and bear bear with hs fone. damn i took 1 saja frm by. nyasal ku.shudve ambil semuaa. anyways. it was great to jumpa bear bear td. din sungkai bt we spent time jua td. holdin hands,teasing ech other,sharing food. and it was great to meet his friends,they are fun and funny boys. nant ku post picts i transfr from bearbear fone td. inid to sleep and charge myfone. imy mr boon.

Pink fucking crocs. i want!

tmr is the day my ass is going to sit like batah. super duper iski? haha. maybe. im going to meet a few family members. and no aku bukan orang kk. tapi saudara mara brunei ku yg jauh tplanting ke kk. wtf were they running away from?? too bad. siuk sdh wah brunei ada like the mall and shit *HAHA*

so im kinda a bit shitty at watching my bag. cause you see.. i lost my avon panty bag. its a bag where i put my clean panties at. i dont have OCD and shit but i hate the idea of my panties mixed with my clothing. i like to keep it organized. and NO id dont have OCD or neat freak whatever the fuck you call it. but well sebanar nya im just keeping things 'safe' haha due to my 'selalu ketinggalan' attitude with my stuff. so if i keep everything order nada lah yg tinggal2. pfft. so yeah the panties bother me.

anyways i had a fonE call with teddy bear last night. it was good to talk. i mean really talk. you know what we went tru before this is idk..it wasnt that easy. but well look how we are now. like JayZ (AKU) and Beyonce (IA). haha. and im gratefull to God so ALHAMDULILAH. *do the alhamdulilah look* so yeaah. last night i haveee always wanted to talk to bear bear about whatever fucked up stuff i wanted to express dari dulu. all the questions and shit. and my thank yous and my apologies. all that you know. but the truth is i have always loved talking to that person. theres these connection between ia and me. you know. like i like that connection. anyways obviously i like to do anything with bear bear. (tau ku ni kalau ia tau aku ckp BEAR BEAR he is sooooooooooooo going to idk malu kali ia.. gangsta etc stuff HAHA) as i was saying i like and love being around this person. theres this peaceful feeling i dont get when im around others that i get from him. he ask me 'where do you wanna go?' id say 'id go wherever you go'. people can judge about me and him..talk crap..talk whatever you want.. or go fuck yourself with your words until you have an orgasm or whatever you wanaa fuck do.. go gossip about me till you get a hard on till you blow up on your maids face. so yeah i like to swear at this very moment. fuck fuckedy fuck. so it goes to those judgementals and those who just fucking hate me who constantly say shit about my life I dont care much now.. its just me and beyonce. we've been tru shit and sweet times before this.. so i bet we can go tru those fucked up judgementals.. so yeah let me walk and hold bear bear's hand while you fucking midget morons can lick my fucking cute ass. and lick it slow. cause you haters are fucking lame haha.

p/s aku cakap paloi tapi aku type paluh arah text msg tadi ah...

cuddles and little kisses baby.

so yeah this was another trip i manage to take a proof of my shitty travel knick knacs.had a good time tho. and no..nada barang tinggal.. thank god im a bit paran with everything.

6.40

im packing my stuff for kk now. akuu inda tau apakn dibwa.since its ramadhan,i guess id just bwa tshrts and tops with cover-ups and shit. and sneakers. and shades. boohoo 3 days and no bear-bear around. pfft.adding up that i had to skip sungkai with bear-bear at fratinis. how shity is that. yuck i dont have enough rms to shop,bt its okay..jalan2 pun jadi lah. and and haha! nad is the first person to realise and tagur that i salah buat sungkai time on my previous post. haha.aku tinggal dakat miri bh babe.iatah tu. alasaan.haha. well ill put picts soon. gotta get going with the packing. and passport ku is in the fucking car! tired. i need my fudge-lee.

A horny bunny.

Aku kana suruh tidur pasal aku buuat ia -di filter takut orang bawah umur baca- haha. nadabh. malas ku kan buat panjang2. iry. baanaaar. o:p hmmmph. cant waait! wth haha. i need to tidur. seriously i do.

seriously at first glance i thot like scribbles and shit. and if you guys liat banar2 its uh haha taloo orgy... its available on a fucking vintage shirt. hahaha.

mash potatoes means supadupanyummy!

its 6.40 nw.inda lg lama sungkai. today the whole family is like in a happy-lets-makan byk2-today vibe. kaka masak crabs,and idk what sayur they call it. mum is doing ambuyat later. and me did mash potatoes with butter and mayo.and durang nini antar ayam masak kicap tadi. cant wait to eat! haha. this year puasa for me started with a thumbs up. i din have the urge to pacah it. unlike last year or the past years,i din care much kan puasa ani. samseng days are over! yeay. i guess being ehem 21 change much on many prspectives on life. alhamdulilah. haha whoot. well i just hope inda pcah ths year,or even if i do,well im a female so theres always period week,i hope like kan habis bulan puasa..cause syg and shit. hmm im tired and hungry. krg lg ku bloging yeah? kisses.

you cant just make it go away

if you guys have my facebook you'd see the whole webcam madness. haha. you leave two girls who are bored and feeling a bit ouhlala. haha your result -_-' hahahah

love you belle. kau nigga ku selama nya.

'thats what you get for being an ASS OF A GUY' say this to a guy who wasted your time and went stupid on you. and you my dear girl can go have fun and let love find your way. HAHA. deep sih~ 32 ..your hand fits mine.. kau orang kapok. aku suka orang kapok.

Me too.

its sahur.and im alone. yang lain inda sahur. damn i wonder how they get tru the day wthout sahur. if it was me, like id get cwanky and bitch about everythng.so yeah.maggi kari isnt cooked yet. so i blog tru my fone. so td.. i made a few fnishng touches for my interview with BSP. argh im nervous. i got my file smartly done,i prepared any needed speach and pilih the right pink tdong with my pink outfit tmr. so after that.. so i went msning with 32. well fyi,we din talk much today,arguin. masing2 nyamal. haha pangit,wic means bida. cz nyamal2 with ech other. bt in the end it was okay. he said sorry and i said id cntrol my anger issues. i asked.. if org askd you who am i to you.. ia ckp im hs baby.bunga2 la ckp ny haha. wic ws hot. bt i said gf ka? you could ckp that dripda bunga2. haha. so he was playin cool and shit. so me bein a bit jauh ati also play it cool and shit.bt in the end he went smting like your my gf..wic was sweet. adding up he wrote the hug thingy. cute thingy. haha. and that he hearts me and stuff. yeah senyum2 ku now. hahaha. so i guess we are not arguin anymre. tho i kw there are those girls and shit,bt hey in the end im the one who stand out and im the one he says ily to. so okay haha obviously im just bein positive. and nt crazy.bt if i found out any chick messing with me,awas kau. haha or 32,if he urgh jahat sama aku idk i go cry like a bitch haha and ckp hoow could you and punching,lightly, on hs shoulder. haha bh eh sahur ku dulu. sayang kamu semua.

finally

everythings a bit okay i guess with this blog and shit. i mean sedikit bisai lah. but i guess my old blog is waaay more lawa than this shit. haha. okayy i talk a bit cranky now cause of urgh entah eh that stoooopid drama. whatever. some one said to me 'im sick bla bla bla of bla bla bla you bla bla bla being bla bla' sigh teddy bear..how am i suppose to react anywaysssss?

so last night we went TK And chill. so yeah..

too tired to say anything let the picts do the talkin.. and also went to serusop to sahur :) whats the name of that rstrant. inda ingat.

hee and yeah now im like barutah ada time and effort for a simple cbox so that you guys can say anythinnng haha and well linking my self with you guyss. and also with new friends :D

an hour sumthin kan sungkai haha yeaaay.

ohh yeah and happy advance birthday to ally kawan fadzli :) 31st right?? haha.

hello and hello

A new life a new chapter?? Something like that..wth.. so its my new blog. A personal yet not soo personal journal of mine. August has been a lil fucked up for me..CHALLENGING YEAR!! I got rejected by UBD in last minute. Which im hatin their sytem FOREVER. Remember fudgeheads..if you want to make that kind of decision in sudden death mode don’t fudging send me an email full of hopes and dreams. You guys just BS’ed my life but its alrite im stl breathin... yet on august there are certain things makes me smile. Thank you 32.. you make my heartbeat go techno..with you singing happy birthday to me on that couch at qlap.. cant describe much..

but hey this is us at ILotus… and in ur car somewhere around ..dimana kn that place I don’t remember…its not thati don’t ingat but cz im so bad at roads in Brunei muara id just say ‘inda ku ingat’ to pindik kan cerita haha. Vaaaah boo you make me go nuts.

Hmm life has been okay I guess. Despite the shit ive been tru. My life,my struggle with edu and YOU KNOW WHO.WELL IDK AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM!!! Well all of that made me stronger.. wiser maybe.. but what im sure is it made me realise that sometimes life is all about give and take..and being patience is totally worth it.

I hope the months and years ahead me is soo gna be alrite.

Hugs and kisses.

3two7eight.